304 North Cardinal St.
Dorchester Center, MA 02124
304 North Cardinal St.
Dorchester Center, MA 02124
They say that men are from Mars, and women are from Venus.
But in truth, it’s not really that complicated.
Your girlfriend’s conversational needs are actually pretty simple. All you really need to do is:
How do you do these things?
The best way is through the art of conversation.
But here’s the challenge:
As men, we sometimes draw a blank when it comes to figuring out what to bring up in a conversation with the ‘main girl’ in our life.
After you’ve been together for a while, and after you’ve covered all of your ‘usual’ topics—things can threaten to get a bit stale and old.
So in this post, you’re going to learn 61 of my favorite conversational items to talk about with your girlfriend.
Whether you’re hanging out at home, going out to dinner, talking on the phone, or catching up after a busy day at work—this list will give you plenty of conversational fodder to help sustain hours of quality conversation.
Let’s jump into it.
In my experience on the dating marketplace, in relationships, and in coaching both men and women on how to improve their dating and relationship lives, these are the topics that really stand out as the BIG topics to cover.
These are the conversations you want to make sure you’re having if you’re even considering a potential relationship with a girl.
What do you both want for the future? Do you have compatible visions of how you’d like your lives to look 5, 10, or even 20 years down the road?
This conversation is important because it can bring obvious compatibility issues into the limelight.
But it can also facilitate the discovery of shared goals and visions for the future.
What are you both passionate about? Do you share compatible passions? At the very least, are your passions in life compatible enough to facilitate deeper levels of intimacy?
Passions are really the driving forces of life. And if your passions aren’t complimentary, that could prove to be a problem.
(For example—if you have a passion for the carnivore diet, while she has a passion for strict veganism—that’s probably going to cause some friction.)
We should always strive to be leveling up to become better men—and we should only invite women into our lives who share a similar mindset.
Learning is a big part of this process.
Do you both read great books? Are you both striving to level up as individuals?
These things matter.
Talking about standards will give you valuable insight into whether or not the two of you are compatible in this crucial area of life development.
Standards dictate not only what we’re willing to accept in other people within our inner circle, but also what we’re willing to accept within ourselves—and it’s a crucially important area that you and your girlfriend should definitely be synced up in.
What are your families like? Remember—if you marry a woman, you also marry her family.
If her family is truly intolerable, and/or if it’s important to her to maintain a relationship with them (which it probably is), then remember that this situation could last forever if the two of you ever tie the knot.
As a man, it’s important that you learn to handle money wisely. It’s also important that you vet out women who don’t. This is a vital area where compatibility is crucially important.
I’ve literally ended relationships with women based solely on their attitudes toward money—and I’ve never regretted it.
Our Favorite Daily Business Email
The Daily Upside | Get More Than News. Get Insights.
Finance news doesn’t have to be boring. Sign up for free to The Daily Upside and get all the most important stories in business direct to your inbox on the daily. I’m an editor who’s also interested in business and they keep the wit high and the content engaging which I certainly appreciate.
Sign Up Free
If you click this link and make a purchase, we earn a commission at no additional cost to you.
Money is basically the modern placeholder for value. And if your girlfriend doesn’t share your views on it (at least for the most part), then you’re most definitely going to run into relational financial stress at some point as a result.
Do you have similar views on your desire to have children? If not—you may want to cut and run.
Being on the same-page where child-rearing is concerned is most definitely a big deal.
Having shared interests isn’t necessarily a must, as long as you’re mature enough to do your own thing and be independent. But it’s a bonus—and it’s a great thing to talk about.
What kinds of personal beliefs do you both feel strongly about? Are these beliefs compatible? If not, that could reveal that you’re not altogether well matched.
The best-case scenario would be for your girlfriend to pretty much share your views in all of the crucial personal belief domains that really matter to the two of you.
If not—well, you could be walking into a brooding ground for conflict, resentment, and a lack of respect.
A little bit of ego-boosting never hurt a relationship, right? Take some time to tell each other what you admire about one another. It’ll earn you some points—and women love to have their ego stroked by a strong alpha man.
Talking about your day is a great way to vent, decompress, and enjoy each other’s company.
What are your thoughts on cohabitating?
Sharing your beliefs and feelings about the ‘living together’ situation can reveal whether or not this woman may be the right person to move in with.
Talking about your current emotions (and listening to hers) is a great topic of conversation.
Just remember—venting and complaining are two different things. She’s your girlfriend, not your therapist.
Don’t complain about your life too much. If there are actually issues in your life, determine to find solutions to them.
Sharing positive, fun experiences from the past can be a great way to deepen the relationship and get to know each other better.
Traveling is literally medically good for you. But talking about traveling and planning trips for the future can also make for excellent and fun conversation.
Movies are a very popular and relevant art form in our modern-day world. Thus, they’re important and fun to talk about.
Everyone loves some kind of music. When I have my girlfriend over to my house, I like to ask her:
“What have you been jamming to lately?”
Then, I put on a Spotify playlist based on her answer.
We can either talk about the music or just listen to it while talking about other things. It’s a great way to liven up the vibe.
Not too long ago, my girlfriend and I had a lot of fun talking about the latest Kim K/Kanye West drama. We laughed about it, we Google memes, we showed each other wild social media posts about it—it was great fun.
Talking about childhood memories is a great way to get to know the other person. Sharing memories together is also a great way to facilitate connection—which is often an important precursor to desire.
Here’s the thing about dating history:
Some people get really worked up and jealous over talking about it. But it’s actually useful to discuss it (to a point) because it helps you to gauge what kind of partner this person is likely to be in the future.
Goal setting habits are actually pretty important to talk about with your girlfriend. If you’re the type of man who sets goals and strives to achieve them, then you’ll have more in common with a woman who shares similar habits.
It’s fun and random to share your bad habits with one another (and/or to point them out about each other). This is kind of a silly/funny topic to discuss—and if you pull it off right, you can probably make her laugh with a bit of ridiculousness.
(On a more serious note, though, check out this post for a list of bad habits that you should strive to eliminate in your life if you want to be a true high-value man.)
After talking about the bad habits, it’s always fun to circle around to the good ones.
You can point out the habits in her that you admire—and hopefully, if she has genuine desire for you, she’ll be quick to do the same.
Does your girlfriend have some annoying habits? Tease her a bit and point them out. Just be ready for the blowback—she’ll be sure to do the same to you.
I once dated a girl who had slightly larger than usual ears. I also once dated a woman who talked angrily to herself while cooking. And yet another time, I had a fling with a lady who would randomly call me to talk about arts and crafts whenever she got a little bit ‘high’ on her allergy medication.
Bringing up these interesting traits will let her know that you notice little things about her that other people might overlook.
Pro Tip: If you want to earn some points, let her know that these little ‘quirks’ are endearing and cute.
If you both came with warning labels attached to you, what would they say? Take turns describing them. It’s sure to be funny.
What do we truly guard more securely in life than our browser histories? They offer a glimpse into the pure darkness of our souls (i.e. the weird stuff we Google when nobody else is around).
Talking about this topic is always sure to bring out some nervous laughter (and perhaps a couple of ‘plead the fifth’ moments as well).
What five items would you put in a circle to summon your girlfriend? Tell her—and then tell her to describe what she would put into your circle.
This makes for an awesome and funny conversation item that can be deployed to liven up an otherwise mundane luncheon or dinner together.
What do the two of you want to scratch off the old ‘bucket list’ before you both kick the bucket? Sharing these items is great for getting to know each other better.
Everyone has a few secrets sitting locked away within the deepest recesses of their brain.
Trading a few can deepen the relationship—and give you an opportunity to learn about each other.
If you’re not keen on exactly what ‘simulation theory’ actually is, bring up the Wiki article on your phone and read it aloud.
Then, discuss it.
This is most definitely an interesting thing to talk about with your significant other.
What are some of the most unique traits that humans have evolved with? And perhaps an even better question is this—how will humans change and evolve in the future?
What does your girlfriend think of artificial intelligence?
Does she believe that it’s dangerous? Does she believe that the machines will eventually replace us and harvest us for energy?
(Cue The Matrix—there is no spoon.)
This is always a fascinating topic to discuss.
Sharing your fears can facilitate the building of connection and help the two of you to establish a deeper bond.
Sharing traumatic stories from our childhood can be some of the more vulnerable topics to talk about, since these experiences tend to offer profound insight into who we’ve become as adults.
This can be a meaningful topic to discuss, but it can also be heavy—or sometimes dark.
Don’t bring it up if you’re not ready to share and/or to handle the intense feelings it could provoke within the two of you.
Dreams are an interesting thing to talk about. Personally, I have a long and deep history with reccurring dreams and nightmares, and I’ve done a lot of research about the topic.
Talking about such things with your girlfriend can be a great way to bring those feelings and visions out and into the light. But doing so can also facilitate deeper intimacy and connection.
Dreams (i.e. our optimistic hopes, plans, and visions for the future) are a deep and positive thing to think about. But they’re also incredibly useful to discuss with our loved ones.
When we share our dreams in life, we facilitate the beginning stages of manifesting those visions in the real world.
This, in part, correlates a bit with the idea of the law of attraction.
It’s just a good thing to do.
Personally, I always make it a point to ask dating prospects about their previous relationships early on in the dating process.
Discussing this topic can give you insight into how this person views their role in past failed relationships.
For example—it’s a red flag if your girlfriend blames all of her exes for the problems, and doesn’t assume any responsibility of her own.
A high value woman, on the other hand, will own her part in her past failed relationships—and will admit that she brought at least a few issues of her own to the table.
Do you understand what the meaning of your life is?
Does your girlfriend understand this for herself?
This is a very deep, serious, and insightful conversation to have with one another.
Do you know what the purpose of life is?
If you believe that you do, then talking about this with your girlfriend can be a great way to see if you have similar/compatible ideas on the subject.
But it’s also important to remember that this concept is very abstract to most people. The vast majority of people don’t put a ton of effort into thinking about this.
If your girlfriend hasn’t done much thinking about it, that doesn’t necessarily mean that she doesn’t care about it. It may mean that, like most people, she’s just never really stopped to think about it—and that’s pretty normal.
What do you both believe about the existence of God?
Do you believe there is a god? Do you believe that there might be many of them?
If so, how do these entities involve themselves in the world?
Is there any reason to attempt to follow them, communicate with them, or obey them?
Having a serious talk (once per month or so) about how to improve the relationship is a great idea—especially if you approach it with an alpha-mentality perspective.
For example, I’ve often initiated such conversations like this:
“So, I wanted to ask you how you’re doing in life, and in this relationship. I’d like to hear how we could possibly make this relationship better for you—and I’d also like to hear about what things you think we’re doing a good job with.”
Remember—as men, it’s our responsibility to take the lead in our relationships.
So it’s really up to you to prompt these conversations as a means of making sure that your relationship remains healthy, happy, and successful.
Do the two of you have any deeply-held life philosophies? This can be a great conversation to have with someone, especially if the relationship is moving toward more serious territory.
Does your girlfriend have any hard sexual limits?
These are good things to talk about, especially if you’re thinking about taking things in the bedroom to a new level of intensity.
I love this conversation.
Personally, I have some pretty passionate beliefs and interests about aliens—so this one eventually always comes up for the people who go on dates with me.
(Cue the X-Files opening theme music…)
This is another one of those weird but interesting things to discuss.
Does your girlfriend believe in Bigfoot?
Or maybe more importantly—is she one of those people who believes that Bigfoot saved her life as a child? (You’d be surprised how many of these people I’ve met in my lifetime—and hey, it’s good stuff to know if you’re thinking about marrying the person.)
Who doesn’t love to talk about the mysteries of the Sumerians, the ancient Egyptians, Atlantis, etc.?
This is definitely some weird but good stuff to talk about.
If you want to go a level deeper—watch some of those interesting historical documentaries together and then discuss them later over mimosas.
Secret societies and mysterious associations are infinitely fascinating.
From the Illuminati, to the Bilderberg Group, to the FreeMasons, almost everyone has some kind of an opinion on at least one or two of them.
Need to brush-up on your secret society lore? Check out this list.
It’s always a good idea to gauge how dark a person’s sense of humor is.
For example—I’m about a ‘3 out of 5.’
My humor can get kind of dark, but I have my limits.
(I’ll laugh at the darkest stuff through my tears of sorrow—but you’ll never hear me telling those ‘level 5’ dark humor jokes).
If you really want to be enlightened, ask your girlfriend to tell you her favorite darkest joke.
Just be ready to clutch your soul if it tries to drop out of your body and go straight to hell afterward (especially if you’re a relatively wholesome and/or innocent person in most respects).
By the time a girl becomes your girlfriend, you’re in the clear to talk about sex to a much deeper degree—and asking her about which positions she prefers (and/or doesn’t prefer) is a great way to begin this dialogue.
You’d be surprised how many women enjoy roleplay fantasies. As men, this can sometimes feel a little awkward for us.
But if you can get her to open up and share these with you, you’ll be greatly rewarded.
(You can also share yours with her as well. There’s no shame in the roleplay game.)
Do you or your girlfriend have any ‘arousing ideal situations’ that you’d like to experience someday?
Consider making a ‘sexual bucket list’ and checking the items off one at a time.
This is a fun thing to talk about. Just be careful about catching charges if you turn those conversations into reality.
Do either of you have sexual fantasies that you’ve never had the chance to explore? This can be a great topic to dig into, especially if your girlfriend, at some level, is a gutter-brained deviant.
(And trust me, men—most of them are.)
Talking about toys is another great way to learn more about your girlfriend. Some guys are self-conscious about using toys in the bedroom—but there’s no need to be.
I don’t know about you, but my bits don’t vibrate at a powerful 1500 RPMs—so I understand the appeal.
Texting a girl after she’s become your girlfriend is a much different experience than texting while casually dating.
(Want a deep-dive guide into how to text a woman like a true alpha male? Read this guide: How to Text a Girl: 35 Texts That Will Make Her Want You.)
When texting with your girlfriend, you’ll mostly want to keep things light and brief, while also not being afraid to tell her the ‘real stuff’ that’s going on in your day. Save the deep stuff for when you’re together.
Here are some ideas.
When your girlfriend hits you with:
“Hey, how’s your day going?”
You can reply by giving her the 411 on your current mood.
Women love it when men talk about this.
Just don’t be a needy sad boy, and you should be good to go.
Texting is a great way to make plans for the evening and discuss what the two of you would like to do.
For example—send her the details about dinner, and tell her to wear that thing you like. You can facilitate plans without even needing a phone call.
It’s important that the man always takes the lead when setting up the logistics for dates. It’s also important for him to make the plan clear and easy to follow.
Some men start out doing pretty well at this, but then go lax on it once they get into a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship.
But don’t fall into this mistake. It’s still important.
So take the initiative.
Set up the details for the date.
Let her know where you’re going to pick her up and what time to be ready.
Texting is a great tool for this. Just be really clear and decisive while doing it.
Don’t be afraid to let your girlfriend know via text what you’d like to do to her later (romantically, sexually, etc).
If she’s really into you, she’ll love it.
Just remember—if she’s busy, don’t expect any kind of detailed response. Just say it and let it simmer until you meet up later.
Texting is a great format to feed each other little tidbits of the daily happenings.
“Omg, the neighbors are honking their horns again.”
“My boss is on one today. SMH.”
“This neck cramp is keeping me from looking backward today. Feels weird.”
You don’t have to get super deep with it. Just fill each other in. The small but frequent communication is nice—and your girlfriend is sure to appreciate it.
Hopefully, this post has given you everything you need to really engage your girlfriend in some meaningful and productive conversation.
Communication is important for couples. And if you’re seriously thinking about taking things to the next level with this girl (at least at some point down the road), then it pays to talk about the important stuff sooner rather than later.
You learn a lot about people when you talk to them.
So use this opportunity to learn as much about your partner as possible.
It matters, and it’ll help you out as you navigate your relationship.
Want to learn even more about female nature and how to relate to the opposite gender? Consider reading this book: The Man’s Guide to Women: Scientifically Proven Secrets from the Love Lab About What Women Really Want.
It’s definitely worth a read if you want to gain a better understanding of the psychology of female behavior.
And for more tips, tricks, and advice for men, make sure to subscribe to our YouTube channel.
Go with grace, and never give up your power.
One of my favorite methods for overcoming this problem is to think about documenting my life to her rather than trying to entertain her or be super creative about topics all the time.
In other words–if you’re not sure what to talk about, just start running down the list of things you did, felt, thought about, noticed, and/or experienced during the day.
Then, ask her how her day was—and ask her further questions about more specific things she lists in response.
Deep conversations can sometimes take a heavy emotional toll. So in my experience, it’s always better to keep deeper conversations a little bit broken up with some light-hearted interjections.
For example, you can crack a little joke at opportune moments to help break up a really dark or heavy topic, and to let her know that you’re still having fun with her.
The key to this, however, is to just be careful not to joke at inappropriate moments.
Cracking a joke after completing one deep topic, before heading into the next one—great.
Cracking a joke right in the middle of her explaining how she was abused as a child—NOT great.